Dating Dos and Don’ts: How to Determine Your Non-Negotiables

The dating scene can be tiring, especially when you’ve had several bad dates. It’s difficult to find “the one” when you’re ready to commit but the other person isn’t. But before swearing off relationships forever, why don’t you re-evaluate your situation?

Confusion is a common reason for bad dates and failed relationships. When you get into a romantic situation not knowing what you want, you are prone to have disagreements and arguments with your potential partner. Make sure the two of you are on the same page before getting serious with each other.

Determine your dating non-negotiables to filter out people who are incompatible with your views, lifestyle, and goals. This will help you avoid people who will likely waste your time.

There’s No Time like the Present

couple holding hands

Don’t wait until you’ve hired matchmaking services to define dating non-negotiables. You should have these ready before you meet with your matchmaker. If you are single and looking to do more than mingle, determine what you want in a relationship. Ask yourself what you value in a partner, especially one who you plan on being with for a long time. Do the same thing even if you are already seeing someone. Once you’ve determined what you want, be honest with them to assess the long-term potential of the relationship.

Be a Little Imaginative

The point of determining your dating non-negotiables is to avoid the mistakes you’ve made in the past. Ask yourself these questions:

  • What was lacking in previous relationships?
  • What makes up healthy relationships?
  • What makes your friendships work?

Once you’ve determined the answers to these, you should have a basis for your ideal relationship. Then, give yourself hypothetical situations that challenge these factors. This will help you uncover deal-breakers.

List Them to Narrow Them Down

Everyone has their own list on dating non-negotiables; just because yours is long, it doesn’t mean you’re being unreasonable. Remember, this exercise is to help you find someone you can enter a long-term relationship with.

Once you’ve listed down all of the things that you want in an ideal relationship, it’s time to be realistic. Highlight the factors that matter the most to you; for example, this can include their religious views, how they spend their money, or their political mindset. Doing this allows you to determine relationship factors that you are not willing to compromise on.

Run It by Someone You Trust

Ask some you trust, whether it’s your best friend or your parent, to look over your dating non-negotiables. They can give you constructive criticism and affirmations regarding the list. Additionally, you can ask them to hold you accountable for what you listed down. As someone who isn’t directly involved in the relationship, they can see things you might have missed.

Although all of this might seem like a lot, it’s really just about laying down the foundation for a healthy relationship. At the end of the day, most dating non-negotiables are simply those factors that help you find someone who is decent, respectful, and considerate, three things everyone is entitled to in any healthy and stable relationship.

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